The Direct Route

Recipe: Platform-for-your-jam Corn Muffins

As odd as it may sound, a binge can often be the quickest way back to self-care. It’s the big white flag that waves “surrender!” It’s the moment where we decide to either continue shutting our self out, or to bring compassion to our self and our situation, and shift into curiosity.

Binge Road is not a dead-end street! If we’ve gone down Binge Road, there’s a reason why: we had to have been switched off enough that going into autopilot with our food didn’t even register. So while it would be great if it would register and we could course-correct before the damage was done (and all that remains is an empty cookie bag and a big bloated belly), the reality is that this isn’t always the case. When this happens, the next pivotal moment is how we respond.

You may have already written yourself off and decided you’re a failure (What’s the point? Why not keep eating? I can’t believe I did this to myself….AGAIN). Or maybe your mind is busy devising a strategy of how to counter the calories: No food until dinner? Laxatives? Two hours on the treadmill? But there’s always that THIRD option: the “love yourself through it” option. This is the one where you choose to cuddle up with yourself and stay present with your physical and emotional discomfort and ride it out. Because it passes—it does. It’s about saying, “Okay, this happened. What’s going on for me? Can I just be with it, breathe with it?” Think of the binge as your thru road home, your gateway back to safety.

I am not a “southern Belle.” I don’t have memories of waking up on a Sunday morning to the smell of freshly baked “cornbread and beans” or of helping my grandma make her “special recipe.” In fact, I don’t think I’d ever even tried cornbread until I was well into adulthood. So don’t ask me WHY I’ve been craving the stuff like it’s going out of style….I decided to make cornbread muffins only to realize I was fresh out of cornmeal. “No problem,” I thought. “I’ll substitute with corn flour.” I made a few other modifications (see below) and popped them in the oven. It was only then that I started to google people’s horrendous experiences doing exactly that. “It will taste like a door stop” wrote one individual. And while I wouldn’t go as far as to say that, they are definitely a muffin you will want to eat slathered in Earth Balance and a lot of strawberry jam! But I actually like them–enough to post the recipe. The cornbread craving continues, but for now here’s a slightly plainer, denser version of a morning muffin. Think of them as a platform for your jam.

Platform-for-your-jam Corn Muffins

Modified from this recipe.

Ingredients

• 1 cup corn flour
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 tsp sea salt
• 2/3 cup applesauce
• 1/2 cup soy milk
• 3 tbsp agave nectar
• 1 tbsp canola oil

 Directions

1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees F (165 degrees C).
2. Stir all ingredients together in a large bowl. Pour into a lined or greased muffin pan. Bake for 12 or so minutes, or until springy. I made about 8 small muffins with this recipe.
3. Serve with Earth Balance and a nice thick strawberry jam.

Wu-Wei, my friend, Wu-Wei.

Recipe: Unreasonably Large Peanut Buttery Cookies

Are you feeling freaked out right now? Does it feel like everything in your life is in flux and you’re grasping for solid ground? If so, you are not alone! Almost everyone I know, myself included, is being challenged in this way. So many people are changing jobs, moving, ending relationships, and making other life-changing decisions. We think that by engaging with the external and diving head-first into the frantic we can quell this restlessness. And what better circumstances than these to remind ourselves that when things feel crazy on the outside, we will be best served by turning INWARDS.

It’s this idea of non-action, or as Lao Tze (of TaodeJing fame) would say, “Wu-Wei.” Nothing outside of you will bring that inner peace you seek. If you don’t know what direction to go, nothing or no one can tell you. The guidance comes from within, and we can only hear it if we take the time to sit there, in our own stillness and silence, and listen. When you feel the pressure to act, bust out the “Wu-Wei” and DON’T. I don’t know what it is about us humans that makes us want to create more chaos in the midst of chaos, rather than take a time-out and assess our inner needs and the situation. Be wary of this tendency in yourself: if you find yourself turning to food (i.e., sugar), shopping, or general crazy-making, pull back! The energy right now is conducive to this, but you do not have to partake. In the midst of all of this uncertainty, awareness is absolutely key.

I posted about Dreena Burton’s Super Charge ME cookies a while back — which I love. But then I had these AMAZING peanut buttery, chocolate chippity cookies at this restaurant in Portland and was inspired to create replicas. Immediately. I used Dreena’s SCM recipe as my base and worked to produce what you see below. What I changed: more peanut butter, no oil, all oats, and whole peanuts. Oh, and apple sauce. Oh oh…and BIG. And don’t omit the peanuts. I made them the first time without and it’s just not the same.

 

Recipe: Unreasonably Large Peanut Buttery Cookies

1 cup oats
1 cup oat flour
1/4 tsp (rounded) sea salt
1/4 – 1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 –1/3 cup raisins or chopped dried fruit
1/4 c peanuts
1/2 c chocolate chips
1 tsp baking powder
1/3 cup ground flax
1/2 cup pure maple syrup
1/2 cup peanut butter
1 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract
2 tbsp apple sauce

Preheat oven to 350°F (180°C). In a bowl, combine dry ingredients (including chocolate chips, raisins and peanuts) and stir well. In a separate bowl combine the rest of the ingredients and stir until well combined. Add wet mixture to dry, and stir until just well combined. Use a silicone baking sheet or parchment paper. The key to these cookies is BIG. Spoon batter onto baking sheet evenly space apart, and lightly flatten. You will likely only get about 7-8 cookies if you go for the big guns. Bake for 15 minutes and remove to cool. I left mine on the sheet until they firmed up.

Trying times

Recipe: Pleasing Tomato Pesto Pasta

Do you say yes when you want to say no?

Do you invest more in people than you get in return (and then keep investing in those people)?

Do you over-identify with other people’s feelings, and take it upon yourself to look after them?

If you answered “yes” to two or more of the above questions, you might be a people pleaser—a phenomenon that involves a constant de-selfing process whereby we fail to vocalize our own needs for fear of hurting another person’s feelings and not being liked. But fear not, oh weary pleaser—there is help: YOU!!!

We typically fall into the people pleaser role when we fear not being liked and require the approval of others. But here’s something else I’ve noticed about us food-stuffers. Many of us are incredibly sensitive people. We are empathic and we often feel in ourselves what others are feeling around us (hence our ability to take such care in our dealings with others-—a lovely quality, by the way); it’s this heightened sensitivity in combination with our own insecurity that can create in us a misplaced sense of responsibility for a feeling we are experiencing/aware of that isn’t actually our own! We are not responsible for how others feel!

Awareness is key, so check in with yourself. It’s one thing to demonstrate caring and respect for others. It’s another thing if doing so is at the expense of your own inner truth and needs. As well, if there is a lack of reciprocation or you are not being met with respect, than it’s probably time to re-evaluate the dynamic of the relationship (and the relationship itself!). That means finding a balance between looking after your own needs and knowing what belongs to you, and what belongs to the other. You are absolutely worth showing up for! So keep showing up for yourself and hold out for those who authentically show up for you too. And just remember—you can’t please everyone! So just please you!

So I’ve been doing some cooking. Some baking. You know, stuff. One thing I made recently that I really enjoyed was a sundried and roasted tomato pesto zucchini pasta dish inspired by the pesto recipes of both Dreena Burton’s and Angela Liddon. The pesto is rather substantial, so I wanted to pair it with a veggie pasta (spiralized zucchini) to lighten it up a bit. I broiled up some broccoli and BAM – dish delish! 

Pleasing Tomato Pesto Pasta

4 tomatoes (roma or other) halved, drizzled with olive oil and roasted face down on baking tray for 1 hour at 400F

3/4 cup sundried tomatoes in oil

2 cloves garlic

1/2 cup toasted almonds

2-3 tbsp nutritional yeast

1 tsp agave nectar

1/2 tsp salt (or to taste)

pepper

1/2 tsp balsamic vinegar

1/2 cup fresh basil (I tried a version without it, and it was still nice)

For the pasta:

2 zucchinis, either peeled into stripped with a veggie peeler, or put through the spiralizer

1 head of broccoli

juice of half a lemon

1/2 tsp red chili flakes

Prepare the pesto by first putting the almonds through the food processor until crumbly and setting aside. Process the rest of the ingredients until smooth, then add the almonds in and pulse until mixed.

In a bowl, toss the broccoli with some olive oil, salt, and chili flakes. Broil for 5-7 minutes until slightly charred (watch carefully so they don’t burn!). Remove from oven and toss with lemon juice. Toss with desired amount of pesto and zucchini noodles. Voila!

Feelings: A Survivor’s Tale

Recipe: Bonzai Spelt Pilaf

A mentor of mine always says to “lean to into your learning” and I always feel like this wisdom can also be applied to our feelings: “breathe into your feelings.” Whatever is there, the breath will take you into a deeper, richer experience – it will take you to a place of surrender, to the flow of your feelings, and ultimately, to your learning.

I like to think of the experience of our feelings much the like sediment at the bottom of a river: Rapids can stir it up and sometimes we have to allow ourselves to be swirled about. Once we move through the rough current (Breathe deep!), our feelings start to settle; clarity arrives, and we can once again see our way to the surface and make sense of what just happened to us. But we have to trust we will be okay (aka SURVIVE!), be present, and breathe our way through.

Now, a little piece of advice from a survivor of a recent emotional pummeling: to be clear, this “feeling our feelings” business is certainly not an enjoyable process. Satisfying and triumphant at the end, yes. Enjoyable? That’s a stretch– I hated every grueling and unpleasant moment of it! But hating the experience was also part of the experience; I gave myself permission to hate feeling my feelings. I acknowledged that I hated it, then proceeded to hate every second! It’s when we resist our experiences that we get caught up in the snags and start creating side stories about what’s going on – instead of just having a really uncomfortable feeling, we start to attached a story to it (I’m fat, I ate too much X so I’m a bad person vs. I have a really uncomfortable feeling right now and it really sucks!). If hating your feelings happens to be part of your experience, live it out honestly. Validate it for yourself, and I assure you that you’ll move through it with a lot more grace than you ever knew you had! Whatever way you find to be present for yourself and your emotions, breathe through. It won’t last forever. It will pass. Go spend time with the discomfort: breathe into your feelings and you will survive!

Unfortunately, not all of us live to tell a survivor’s tale….poor almonds….

 

But this recipe? A hit! This is comfort food at its best! I cannot take credit for this recipe, but I can take credit for devouring eating it and loving every bite! It’s a hearty nourishing dish that uses whole spelt berries cooked at a very low temperature for an hour or so; it turns out as more of a pilaf or risotto with so much flavour! Plus, what’s not to love about spelt berries. They are high in protein, they can hold their own in a pot (they don’t become mush like barley or rice) and they have a lovely chewy texture. Hmmmm hmmmm.

Bonzai Spelt Pilaf

1 cup spelt, rinsed (and pre-soaked in 2 cups of water for a few hours if possible)
3/4 cup canned crushed tomatoes
2/3 cup water (more if needed)
1 small zuchini, sliced
1/2 onion, diced
3 cloves garlic, chopped
2 tbsp balsamic vinegar
1 can black beans
1/2 tsp sea salt or to taste
1/2 tsp turmeric
1/2 tsp rosemary
2 tbsp olive oil
pepper

Rinse spelt and add to a large pot. Heat olive oil over medium heat and brown spelt with onions, garlic and spices. Add beans and zucchini, cook and stir. Add water and tomatoes, stir, cover and simmer for 1 hour on low heat. Stir periodically and add more water if it looks dry. Bonzai!

When those cookies come a’calling

Recipe: The “Tofu Layer” for OSG’s Lasagna

“Oh yooo hoooo…..over heee-eeeere!!!”

I try not to focus too much on food behaviours on this blog, and that’s because so little of why we eat actually has to do with food! But I did think it was time for a reminder that bringing consciousness to how or what we are eating can be an important source of information about what is going on for us emotionally. I’ve had a couple of moments this last week where I came home, felt tired, and wanted a big bowl of cereal to eat or a few cookies (oh yooo hoooo!) rather than a proper dinner. It was one of those times when a bowl of cereal wasn’t just a bowl of cereal. I wanted to sit with my food and find comfort in my “fullness.” Did I know I was using food for comfort? Yep. Did I want to stop? Not ‘til that bowl of cereal was gone!

The thing about developing awareness around our food is that we kinda have to ask some questions, and the more we ask them, the harder it becomes to engage in the behaviour. Whether I ate the cereal or not was irrelevant. I knew I still needed to reflect about what was going on for me and acknowledge that something was. If you are feeling clueless about why you are reaching for food, I can say that for me in many (but not all) instances, it’s often about feeling powerless or not heard. Either I’m not validating my own feelings, or I’m not using my voice to express them. Or, I have used my voice and still don’t feel heard, and need to make an adjustment to a given relationship (which could incite avoidance, dread or other forms of resistance, and possibly another bowl of cereal!).

So what’s going on for you? It’s time to have a check-in and bring some consciousness to what you are experiencing. It’s time to go inside and listen. Ask some questions. Hold a compassionate loving space for yourself, free from judgement or pressure for things to be anything other than what they are. Are your reasons for going for the food the same as mine? If not, what is it about for you?

I could be a brat and post a cookie recipe. But instead, I’m going to write about lasagna. Or I’m going to post a yummy photo and direct you to a great recipe. Angela Liddon’s recipe surpassed my vegan lasagna expectations and will not dissappoint. While she suggests adding a layer of crumbled veggie burger, I added some crumbled tofu that I marinated overnight. So as my meager contribution to this already stand-up recipe, I offer “the tofu layer.” Behold:

To All Yee Yay-Sayers

Recipe: Tofutti-Less Cream Cheese Icing

You may only get one shot at it, so you may as well be you. As I prepare to turn 30, I reflect on the ways I still say yes when I want to say no or when I silence a preference or opinion for fear of creating discomfort –  luckily I can say that happens less and less the older I get, but it still happens. All that “yay-saying” creates anger and resentment, and before we know it, we find ourselves seething at something (or someone!) totally unrelated! The resentment from our yay-saying ways can often mutate into passive aggressive behaviour as we struggle to regain the power we gave up when we didn’t give voice to our truth.

Do you think you could ask for what you want 100% of the time? Whether you get what you want 100% of the time isn’t the point. The point is that you think your needs and wants are worth advocating for and that they are important, that YOU are important. Even when someone tells us “no,” we are left empowered as we decide what that information means for us. It’s a win-win, really. With nothing to lose, are you still not going to ask for what you want?

Icing!! I want icing!! I like to have my cake, yes – but really, I just like my icing. People who have known me for years will know that it’s not uncommon to find me hunkering down at the end of the dinner table with a small piece of my favourite cake under an avalanche of icing (or a bowl of icing on the side!). Not cheap, hydrogenated icing, mind you – nay, I’m more interested in the cream cheesey icings of the world. I’ll have dairy cream cheese occasionally, but I have often used Tofutti, a soy vegan substitute. The problem with Tofutti is that it costs around $5 for a little tub: it was becoming harder and harder to afford to have my icing and eat it (mass -quantity-style) too! This is precisely why I came up with this recipe!

On Neutral Ground

Recipe: Angela Lidden’s Sticky Toffee Pudding (say what!?)

What does it mean to be in one’s neutral mind? I busted myself the other day pulling the neutral mind card: falling into the belief that being in one’s neutral mind means not reacting, maintaining composure, and “rising above” those inconvenient and uncomfortable  emotions that blindside us when we least expect it. In other words, my finger was hovering dangerously close to the old NUMB button! Similar to a spiritual bypass, thinking about the neutral mind in this way can pull us out of our authentic human experience in much the same way.

In our desire to achieve a neutral mind, we might deny, suppress, or otherwise numb ourselves to our feelings in the name of higher spiritual ground. In doing so, however, we halt the authentic flow of our process. So how can we hold a neutral mind and honour our emotions? Awareness. Did you know I was going to say that? The neutral mind is not about numbing out to our emotional experience. It’s about cultivating a non-judgmental (i.e., neutral) allowance of it and letting it run its natural course. It’s an opening up to flow, not a shutting down or damming up of what is. It is in this awareness, in saying “yes” to each moment as it presents itself, that grace is found. And besides all that, who wants to be a stone anyway?

The word “pudding” conjures up different associations for all of us. It could be the overly sweet chocolate Jello pudding pack your dad used to put in your school lunches without a spoon to eat it with (thanks, Dad!). It could be the rum-laden raison infested dense cake your grandma sets on fire after every Christmas dinner.  Or it could be, it just might be, the single most yummiest dessert you’ve ever tasted when you put the words “StickyToffee” in front of it. I decided to try out Angela’s recipe on 12 non-vegans last week and the table went wild; it was a show-stopper to say the least. A caramelly, moist, warm, gooey, cakey conglomerate nestled up beside a cold scoop of melty ice cream, drizzled with toffee sauce and finished with a sprinkling of toasted pecans. Need I say more? I don’t think that sentence could get any longer. I made a few changes to Angela’s recipe, such as subbing spelt flower and using a mix of brown sugar with raw cane sugar (simply because I ran out of brown sugar), but I think you’d be hard pressed to screw up this cake as its moistness lends itself to a large margin of delicious error.

Running

Recipe: Roasted Garlic Spread

I know what you’re thinking: this is a post about running to food and/or running from feelings. And you would not be wrong to think so, as that’s exactly the type of thing I would blog about; however, this post is ACTUALLY about running. That’s right: runners, shoe laces, cardio, sports bra – slappin’ on them shoes and hitting the trails – the real deal!

I started running again for the first time in four or so years, and for the first time ever, the desire to run was not motivated by the urgent need to burn off X number of calories or because I though my butt looked too big. My ears had started perking to various mentions of “running”, and a friend had recently mentioned how good it made her feel. My body started craving that exhilaration, the fresh air, the pumping of my heart, and the flowing of my blood. So a few weeks ago, I got out my runners, donned the running attire, and headed out with the pooch.

At first, it was really hard to approach running from a neutral place. As I got dressed with the intention to run, I noticed some of the old familiar ways of thinking about exercise in ED terms starting to surface and I had to resist the urge to size up my body in the mirror and think about what I could eat as a result of the calories I’d be burning! And the fearful part of me, the part that thinks that any day now all the hard work I’ve done on recovery will slip out from under me and I’ll be right back where I was, was telling me not to run. It was telling me I was re-entering the downward spiral into the vicious binge/purge cycle.

I decided to run anyway, on my own terms. I put zero expectations on myself: I dropped the idea that I had to run for X number of kilometres or minutes and decided I would run until I didn’t feel like running, and if I felt like walking, I would walk. There was no judgement, no right or wrong. The fact that I was running at all was a victory.

I’m really about trusting the body’s organic process. Just as my craving and tolerance for sweets has naturally lessened, I knew that when the time was right, my body would crave cardio again. If we listen and are receptive, we can trust that things just happen on their own time, without us trying to force them. So if it’s there for you, and it feels organic, why not explore a different way of being in your body? And, if it’s not, then don’t! While you’re at it, why not drop all the expectations and “shoulds” around it (I, in principle, tend not to do things with a “should” attached). Just as we can develop a healthy relationship with food, we can develop a healthy relationship with our body by simply listening to it.

Sometimes the simplest combinations can take us over the roof, of our palate, that is. This is so easy, but will take your bread eating experience to the next level. Roasting garlic is something you can do while you have the oven on cooking other things, if you think to do it. This spread is always nice to have on hand, so don’t feel like you have to plan ahead to make this. Just make it when it’s convenient. You won’t regret it!

Roasted Garlic Spread

1 bulb of garlic

1 tbsp olive oil

1/2 cup Earth Balance spread

salt to taste

Pre-head oven to 375. Cut top off garlic head and drizzle some olive oil inside. Wrap in tin foil and bake for 45 min or until soft. Once cool enough to handle, squeeze out roasted garlic into Earth Balance and mash in with a fork. Then, slather on your favourite sourdough loaf and consume in large quantities.

Askin’ them questions

Recipe: Granolie in the Raw

Can I ask you something so you can ask you something? Are you giving to yourself? Are you actually taking the time to listen to what it is your body needs or what your soul is craving? So often the only way we feel we give to ourselves (and meet our own needs) is via the food that we eat. What’s that? You want a peanut butter pumpkin oat bar (you too??!)? You want some chocolate? Well, since you aren’t going to give yourself what you REALLY want or need, sure, let’s load up the plate.

Now hold on a moment. Before you wolf down that plate of so-called comfort, let’s take a second to ask ourselves some more questions: “What do you really want/need?” And the next one, the juicy one, is “why aren’t you giving THAT to yourself instead?”

In the face of a gazillion obligations, it can be hard to justify taking time out for ourselves to do something that refuels us or makes our heart light up (or lighten up!) – but do you really need to justify it? I mean seriously, how did all of those things somehow get to be more important than YOU!? And, let’s say you think they are, well how productive are you going to be after you consume that plate of whatever that you are using to convince yourself that your needs are getting met? Uh huh. That’s what I thought.

So go there. Ask the questions of yourself. And ask them with love, and care, and a genuine desire to take care of yourself. Your soul is hungry for something. Dig a little deeper and find out what it is, and then engage in healthy self-indulgence — the kind that doesn’t come with shame, guilt, and remorse. Isn’t it time we started allowing ourselves our needs and stepping up to meet them?

The Boundary Blowback

Recipe: Beet, Buckwheat, and Parsley Raw Pizza Crust(ish)

Many of us know the importance of setting boundaries: boundaries are how we take care of ourselves and communicate that our needs are important. We are entitled to assert boundaries without qualification or justification. Boundary setting gets easier the more we do it; we are often surprised by how receptive and respectful people are in response to them. Unfortunately, this is not always the case! The people with whom we set them with may not always like our boundaries, and that’s fine and normal. But sometimes we are met with raw anger, guilting, sulking, or a stream of emotionally charged reactions. This is what I call (cue the music) a ‘boundary blowback.’

If you are like me, these types of reactions might cause you to question your position or the validity of your needs, as the focus shifts from your needs/boundaries to the reaction of the person you are communicating with. A wise friend explained this as “de-selfing,” which happens when another person, via anger, guilt or other wounded behaviours, insinuates that our feelings are not important and that our position is negotiable. We start to wonder if the other person is right. Was I too harsh? Should I say yes instead? Maybe I could do x,y,z, just this once…..

The challenge in the face of blowback is to stand your ground. Acknowledge the feelings of the other, and then lock down on your boundary. You can even ask yourself “did I communicate with respect and sincerity? Did I make my position and my needs clear?” If you can answer yes to both of these questions, then you’ve done your groundwork; the reactions of others belong to them, not to us.

Setting boundaries takes courage. But what takes even more courage is holding firmly to your truth in the face of boundary blowback. Your needs ARE important, and are NOT negotiable. This is what looking after you is all about!

Beet, Buckwheat, and Parsley Raw Pizza Crust (ish)

What is negotiable, however, are the toppings you choose to put on this delectable raw pizza crust made from beets and buckwheat. Haha, I know what you’re thinking – “beets and buckwheat”? It doesn’t exactly call one home like “apple pie” – but this crust is a perfect and subtle base from some more poignant pizza toppings like pesto, sundried tomatoes sauce and cashew “cheese.” Think of this crust as the podium, and let the toppings do the talking, I say! This recipe is still in need of some fine tuning, but it was inspired by some raw pizza I had on a recent trip.