To All Yee Yay-Sayers

Recipe: Tofutti-Less Cream Cheese Icing

You may only get one shot at it, so you may as well be you. As I prepare to turn 30, I reflect on the ways I still say yes when I want to say no or when I silence a preference or opinion for fear of creating discomfort –  luckily I can say that happens less and less the older I get, but it still happens. All that “yay-saying” creates anger and resentment, and before we know it, we find ourselves seething at something (or someone!) totally unrelated! The resentment from our yay-saying ways can often mutate into passive aggressive behaviour as we struggle to regain the power we gave up when we didn’t give voice to our truth.

Do you think you could ask for what you want 100% of the time? Whether you get what you want 100% of the time isn’t the point. The point is that you think your needs and wants are worth advocating for and that they are important, that YOU are important. Even when someone tells us “no,” we are left empowered as we decide what that information means for us. It’s a win-win, really. With nothing to lose, are you still not going to ask for what you want?

Icing!! I want icing!! I like to have my cake, yes – but really, I just like my icing. People who have known me for years will know that it’s not uncommon to find me hunkering down at the end of the dinner table with a small piece of my favourite cake under an avalanche of icing (or a bowl of icing on the side!). Not cheap, hydrogenated icing, mind you – nay, I’m more interested in the cream cheesey icings of the world. I’ll have dairy cream cheese occasionally, but I have often used Tofutti, a soy vegan substitute. The problem with Tofutti is that it costs around $5 for a little tub: it was becoming harder and harder to afford to have my icing and eat it (mass -quantity-style) too! This is precisely why I came up with this recipe!

On Neutral Ground

Recipe: Angela Lidden’s Sticky Toffee Pudding (say what!?)

What does it mean to be in one’s neutral mind? I busted myself the other day pulling the neutral mind card: falling into the belief that being in one’s neutral mind means not reacting, maintaining composure, and “rising above” those inconvenient and uncomfortable  emotions that blindside us when we least expect it. In other words, my finger was hovering dangerously close to the old NUMB button! Similar to a spiritual bypass, thinking about the neutral mind in this way can pull us out of our authentic human experience in much the same way.

In our desire to achieve a neutral mind, we might deny, suppress, or otherwise numb ourselves to our feelings in the name of higher spiritual ground. In doing so, however, we halt the authentic flow of our process. So how can we hold a neutral mind and honour our emotions? Awareness. Did you know I was going to say that? The neutral mind is not about numbing out to our emotional experience. It’s about cultivating a non-judgmental (i.e., neutral) allowance of it and letting it run its natural course. It’s an opening up to flow, not a shutting down or damming up of what is. It is in this awareness, in saying “yes” to each moment as it presents itself, that grace is found. And besides all that, who wants to be a stone anyway?

The word “pudding” conjures up different associations for all of us. It could be the overly sweet chocolate Jello pudding pack your dad used to put in your school lunches without a spoon to eat it with (thanks, Dad!). It could be the rum-laden raison infested dense cake your grandma sets on fire after every Christmas dinner.  Or it could be, it just might be, the single most yummiest dessert you’ve ever tasted when you put the words “StickyToffee” in front of it. I decided to try out Angela’s recipe on 12 non-vegans last week and the table went wild; it was a show-stopper to say the least. A caramelly, moist, warm, gooey, cakey conglomerate nestled up beside a cold scoop of melty ice cream, drizzled with toffee sauce and finished with a sprinkling of toasted pecans. Need I say more? I don’t think that sentence could get any longer. I made a few changes to Angela’s recipe, such as subbing spelt flower and using a mix of brown sugar with raw cane sugar (simply because I ran out of brown sugar), but I think you’d be hard pressed to screw up this cake as its moistness lends itself to a large margin of delicious error.

[Fore]Gone Conclusions

Recipe: Baked Apples with Cinnamon Cashew Cream

Just as we have our stories, we also have our endings. Many times we expect certain outcomes before they’ve even happened. Or we may react the same way to the same situation every time, and then be upset with ourselves in the same way for doing so. Our beliefs and actions can sometimes be so ingrained in us that we operate without recognizing that we have other options; it never occurs to us that there could be a different outcome to the same story, or better yet, a free fall – a complete surrender to what is real and true for you in that moment.

Say, for example, that every time you get together with certain individuals, you overeat and then you come home at the end of the evening and binge. This social scene isn’t really a “fit” for you, you feel inadequate, or are being triggered in some other way. As you sit there with these people, all you can really think about is what you are going to be eating once you step foot inside your house. And when you do finally come home, you go into autopilot and the night ends up with you feeling even worse about yourself….again.

Or, let’s say you go out and treat yourself to a massage or a yoga class, but rather than coming home and feeling good in your body and tucking yourself into bed, you come home and have a binge instead. This is because your story doesn’t involve you allowing yourself to feel good – this ending never even occurred to you. The only ending you know is the one that keeps confirming your story (i.e., “I’m fat,” “I have X eating disorder,” “I’m in some way not okay”).

What if we turned our stories into our very own “Choose Your Own Adventure” and we tried to visualize a different outcome to the usual way our predictable stories play themselves out? What if we went down a different path, and experienced a different outcome/reality?

With the above example, for instance, I might think about what a nice night at home after a massage might look like. It might involve curling up with a book and a cup of tea. Or a hot bath. Or maybe just hopping straight into bed, snuggling up under the covers. Can you picture it? We can’t always change our outcomes over night, but we can began to consider the possibility that we can live it out a different way. Even just this simple exercise of visualizing ourselves responding differently can plant a seed of what is possible for you and challenge your beliefs and behaviours around your current experiences. Give it a go and see what kinds of amazing conclusions you can fathom.

Baked Apples – who knew?? I have been baking apples straight for the last week. I love apple pies, crisps, crumbles – but after baking apples and letting the apples stand on their own, all that doe, sugar, and Earth Balance just seems unnecessary. Something happens in that baking process: some might call it “caramelization,” but I call it magic. The apples turn super sweet, which makes them not only a delicious dessert, but a fantastic sweetener to blend into puddings, spreads, and baking (also great for rounding out texture too!). Here’s one way I’ve been enjoying my baked apples lately, but there are many more which I hope to post about soon. By the way, pears are just as amazing!

From here to the ground (and back up)

Recipe: Coconut Custard and Fresh Berries

What if I told you that we never really “make it?” That we are in a constant process of building ourselves up, only to see ourselves crumble down – and each time we must strengthen the foundation, reassemble the pieces, and have another go at it. That perfect place, that “there” that so many of us yearn for in our concept of healing maybe doesn’t exist like we imagine it does.

Let’s face it – we aren’t perfect. If we hold a perfect ideal of what healing looks like and hold ourselves to high standards of perfection (Perfectionism? High standards? Moi?), but of course we will fall. And the higher the standards, the higher the fall. The only thing that changes is the distance we fall and the manner in which we reassemble ourselves when we do.

To this end, we have a few choices. We can keep placing ourselves back up on that high ledge of perfection, try to hide our cracks and evidence of the reassembly repair work (and be harder and harder on ourselves for not being “there” yet). Or, we can be humbled when we fall. We can let our cracks show. We can put ourselves back together with loving kindness and self forgiveness and be proud of our journey. And as we keep going in this way, the distance from us to the ground decreases, and our falls become less and less devastating as time goes by. I’ll take option number two please! Frankly I just can’t deal with the whole perfection thing anymore – it’s way too much effort, and at the end of the day, I just want to be me.  And eat yummy coconut custard with fresh berries (see below).

This one is easy! I know summer is rolly-pollying itself away, but here’s one last token dessert to ease the transition. And hey, who’s to say this couldn’t be a pumpkin pie topping? Right? Hey? Yeah? 

 

Keep Your Eye on the Prize

Recipe: Lemon Coconut (you had me at hello) Cake

You know by now this blog is really about self care. It’s about reminding you to check in, be kind to yourself, and breathe. Most of us wouldn’t do the food thing if we had a good self care system in place, and even the most in-built reliable system sometimes has its foibles. We may be going along just fine, and then gradually our lives fill up with activities and people that we didn’t necessarily authorize from a conscious, grounded place. They just kinda happened.

Self care might look different for all of us, but one thing about self care that we all have in common is that it means putting our needs first. And if deep down you don’t think your needs are important, you can inadvertently find a gazillion other things to put above you on your “care to” list. It could be people: friends, family, community. It could be your long to-do list: groceries, bank, gas, cleaning, baking. Where are you on all of this? Aren’t you worth making “the list”? Do the inventory. Yes, you know the one. The one where you look at everything you got goin’ on in your life at the moment and decide what’s serving you and what’s not. And even before you do that inventory, you get out your calendar and schedule some time for yourself. Do that right now. Fifteen minutes, thirty minutes, whatever. But get on there.

It’s time to start ranking in your own life. When you keep your eye on the prize (i.e., YOU!), everything else in your life wins too. Don’t lose sight of what’s important — put yourself first.

This is a Bundt cake. Yes, that’s right. And while I do not own a Bundt pan, I do like saying that word “bundt.” No Bundt pan meant that this became a double layered cake with icing, and who’s going to say no to that? I have mentioned in the past that Isa is my girl when it comes to desserts, and this cake is no exception. It’s right out of the Veganomican, and the only change I would suggest is replacing the white flour with spelt – the cake is so dense, you can totally get away with this and not compromise the concept of the Bundt (I also took the liberty of substituting some other healthier alternatives). For the icing, I used the Lemon Gem cupcake icing. Needless to say, the cake went over (and in) extremely well.

The Feeling’s Mutual

Recipe: Melt My Heart Mango Cheesecake

Our heart is sensitive — it is constantly surveying our environment and giving us feedback about when it’s safe to be vulnerable and when it’s better to hold off. The heart can pick up in an instant the level of openness of those around us. If any of us have ever lived through an extended period of time when it was NOT safe for our heart to sing its song, we can get stuck living behind the walls we constructed to keep our heart safe at that time. As yogi Har Prakash shared with a group of us this past weekend, this type of block in the heart chakra can cause us to shutdown from the giving and receiving of energy and love – the cornerstones for cultivating intimacy in our relationships.

I had an experience recently with someone who let her walls down and let herself be heart-centered and soft. The moment she did, I felt my heart open and out poured compassion. Sensing that this was a safe place, I was able to allow myself to be vulnerable too — and I ended up having a huge shift in my own healing! Her courage to trust not only freed her, but it enabled a shift in me to take place.

We don’t serve anyone by keeping the walls up around our hearts. I’m not endorsing that you pour your heart out “willy nilly,” but trust your heart to know when it’s okay to take the risk and trust. You never know who might be inspired to let their own walls down as a result.

Mangos are hot right now. They are fragrant, big, plump, and juicy! And, they’re cheap! So how could I not make a raw mango cheesecake? I mean, really. My last attempt at a cheesecake resembled more of a pudding (a delicious pudding, mind you), so with some trial and error experience under my belt, and drawing inspiration from a raw food goddess in my life and one of my favourite Canadian vegan bloggers, I set forth to deliver dessert to the masses (okay, ten or so people…but still…). 

A Clean, Well-Lighted Space

Recipe: Shake into Summer

While we are all responsible for our own healing, we cannot heal alone. Even though we may cultivate the tools to process our hurt and experiences (in fact, we must), part of the human experience is to deliver love and support through our relationships and seek it from others who provide for our highest good.

Have you ever noticed how just having someone else present to bare witness to your experience can help you travel to emotional places you’d be unlikely to venture on your own? We all need a safe place to let go, and the loving and allowing space held by a neutral other can be an incredible conduit in helping us do this. There’s a reason why emotions always come up with a therapist, or tears might flow when we receive energy work. Someone is there communicating to us in one way or another that our experience is sacred, okay, and important. When we feel this intuitively, our heart gets the green light that it is safe to go “there” and we can let go.

This isn’t a solo journey; nay, we are here to cultivate healing in and with each other. Every so often, find someone neutral to hold a healing space for you, be it through a physical touch, a listening ear, or an intention. Find someone who will support you to go deep, and go deep!

Like any sensible person, at the start of the warm weather I get the shakes — the “milk-shakes,” that is. I start to crave that thick, viscous, creamy cold satisfaction that only a blender and sweet frozen matter can deliver. So I got right on that, and came up with the below recipe – which, because it contains so much good stuff, can double as dinner AND dessert! If you are feeling extra indulgent or if you feel like sharing, add half an avocado (or a tbsp or two of macademia nut butter as my brother did) and hold on tight! 

Bringing to the Table

Recipe: Lemon Gem Cupcakes

Most of us want that outside “fix” – something to numb, heal, or resolve the hurt and pain we might be carrying. Old news, right? Well, the outside solution certainly has appeal, particularly because it absolves us of having to take responsibility for tending to our own wounds, and this tendency can transfer over into our relationships too. We can be guilty of looking to the people in our lives to do this for us, and more so if we feel they are the reason we feel the way we do. It’s a bit like feeling badly for eating that huge piece of X and then helping ourselves to another piece of X to make us feel better!

We can decide to bring our hurt to the table with someone, but unless we have taken time to console ourselves and nurture that hurt, we will only show up as hungry children. And we will likely leave as hungry children. Why? Because no one can give us what we can only give ourselves.

If we decide we need to vocalize our feelings to another, it needs to be for us, not in the hopes that our hurt will propel another to change his or her behaviour. It’s actually about boundaries, deciding what’s acceptable and what we will and will not allow in our lives. Once we’ve decided what’s acceptable, it does not matter if the other person changes or not — what matters is that we have. We are only ever responsible for ourselves and we are all capable of stepping up and providing ourselves with the inner love and nurturing we all seek and need. From this place, the onus stays on us to look after us, not on expecting the other person to change and magically heal our wounds.

These cupcakes changed the preconceived vegan notions of the non-vegan eating variety of folk this weekend. They were, simply put, to die for. I just love lemon, and these cupcakes take lemon all the way home, but not before stopping at the local corner store for some fresh raspberry coulis to round out that tartness of the lemon union. I’ve also come to the conclusion that when baking for vegan neophytes, it’s best to stick with all-purpose flour (and not venture into spelt territory) and try to hit the baking as close to “home”  as possible. For this, I turned to the PPK folk, who I’ve officially deemed the vegan dessert masters. This one comes out of Vegan with Vengeance. The Raspberry Coulis is based off a Dreena recipe from Eat, Drink and Be Vegan. Enjoy! 

Remembering your Roots

Recipe: Lavi’s Pure Love Brownies

You may have situations in your life where it seems no matter how much work you do on yourself, no matter how far you’ve come, it feels like someone has erased the chalkboard of your progress and you find yourself back in the familiar treads of a pattern you thought you’d overcome. Suddenly, it’s all deja vu.

From an awareness perspective, this can be incredibly frustrating - particularly when you know you have the skillz to not go “there”, be it disordered eating or another means of coping. This can be the jump-off point into the downward spiral of shame and self destruction, or it can be a leap into the gift that keeps on giving. Your choice.

Every time we traverse that familiar territory, we have before us another opportunity to build a stronger, more loving relationship with our self. In my recent humbling return to some familiar thoughts, feelings and behaviours, I realized it was actually a call to be kinder to myself, to “go easy” on me. I had been beating myself up all week for not having listened to my intuition about something, and food showed up to manifest the flogging on a physical level. When I was able to make the connection to self love and kindness, the behaviours fell away. The food stuff was actually the light that illuminated the direction I needed to go.

Do I wish I could side step the pain of this process and skip the calories!? Yes! But at the same time, this is the stuff that a solid sense of self is made of. It is our gift, our opportunity to relate to ourselves with compassion and forgiveness. If this is something you struggle with, relate to it with consciousness. Know that it is an opportunity to get to the root of what’s really going on with you. Find the gift in it. You will be okay.

These brownies are SO healthy and simple, they will have you scratching your head wondering how life got so good! These have been the ongoing project of a friend of mine, and she lovingly shared some recent improvements she had made to the recipe. The results had me stunned. These have the texture of an Eat-More bar, but one that is full of antioxidants, omega 3s, fibre and love-filled goodness. Thanks LB! 

The Spiritual Bypass

Recipe: Chocolate Avocado Mousse

How many of us are so spirituality evolved that we don’t EVER feel anger, hurt or frustration? Am I the only one raising my hand!? I kid of course, but this mentality around uncomfortable and so-called “negative” emotions is pretty pervasive. It fits right in with the surface approach taken in so many others ways in our society: the quick fix, pop a pill and avoid-discomfort-at-all-costs approach. No matter how spiritual we may proclaim ourselves to be, and despite what we may think, or have read or been told about spirituality, NO ONE gets a “get out of feelings” free card.

We can’t be happy all the time. Not only is being happy all the time not realistic, it’s a glossing over of our authentic human experience here on earth. But somewhere along the way, negative emotions got a bad wrap. Yes, they are uncomfortable, so that’s one strike against them. They can make us feel weak and vulnerable — that’s another strike. We cannot always control them – strike three. The case for allowing and experiencing these feelings is not looking good, is it? It’s no wonder that the idea of a “spiritual bypass” has so much appeal! This term was used by Charles Whitfield, and was later developed by Robert Augustus Master (see Har Prakash’s comment on this) to bring to light the tendency for folks to use spiritual principles and concepts as a way to avoid doing the hard work (ie. feeling feelings!) that’s required for genuine spiritual and personal growth.

As people gravitate towards spirituality to find meaning in their lives, the messages we receive can often encourage us to “rise above” our “lowly” feelings, the idea being that if somehow we hold enough love in our hearts, we will be granted immunity to them. Then, when we have a natural (and usually justified) reaction, like anger or frustration, we instantly judge ourselves for these negative feelings. Can we not hold love in our hearts AND experience anger (and have  compassion for ourselves in the process?)?

I’m here to tell you (among many other things, it would seem), that those “bad” feelings are totally, 100% OKAY! In fact, it’s when we DON’T allow these feelings and express them in a healthy way that they can become toxic. Suppressing these feelings by pretending they don’t exist and acting as though we are “above” them only causes them to go underground and fester. This festering is the real cause for concern, for that’s when the accumulation of unexpressed feelings gradually seeps into your daily life and creates major physical and mental health issues, and can also start to impact those close to you.

So have your feelings. ALL of them. And have LOVE — for ALL of them. Be REAL! The only way out really is through.

I was shocked and appalled to discover I have not yet posted about chocolate avocado mousse. Avocado, known to some as “nature’s butter,” makes a decadent, smooth, creamy, velvety rich mousse. By no means did I invent this recipe! Peeps have been onto this one for ages. I’ve seen variations that use everything from dates as a sweetner to maple syrup. I like agave or maple syrup. When my girlfriend brought this over for dessert the other night, I was reminded of how ridiculously good and easy this is to make. Never mind what’s for dinner. This is where it’s at!