Many of us know the importance of setting boundaries: boundaries are how we take care of ourselves and communicate that our needs are important. We are entitled to assert boundaries without qualification or justification. Boundary setting gets easier the more we do it; we are often surprised by how receptive and respectful people are in response to them. Unfortunately, this is not always the case! The people with whom we set them with may not always like our boundaries, and that’s fine and normal. But sometimes we are met with raw anger, guilting, sulking, or a stream of emotionally charged reactions. This is what I call (cue the music) a ‘boundary blowback.’
If you are like me, these types of reactions might cause you to question your position or the validity of your needs, as the focus shifts from your needs/boundaries to the reaction of the person you are communicating with. A wise friend explained this as “de-selfing,” which happens when another person, via anger, guilt or other wounded behaviours, insinuates that our feelings are not important and that our position is negotiable. We start to wonder if the other person is right. Was I too harsh? Should I say yes instead? Maybe I could do x,y,z, just this once…..
The challenge in the face of blowback is to stand your ground. Acknowledge the feelings of the other, and then lock down on your boundary. You can even ask yourself “did I communicate with respect and sincerity? Did I make my position and my needs clear?” If you can answer yes to both of these questions, then you’ve done your groundwork; the reactions of others belong to them, not to us.
Setting boundaries takes courage. But what takes even more courage is holding firmly to your truth in the face of boundary blowback. Your needs ARE important, and are NOT negotiable. This is what looking after you is all about!
Beet, Buckwheat, and Parsley Raw Pizza Crust (ish)
What is negotiable, however, are the toppings you choose to put on this delectable raw pizza crust made from beets and buckwheat. Haha, I know what you’re thinking – “beets and buckwheat”? It doesn’t exactly call one home like “apple pie” – but this crust is a perfect and subtle base from some more poignant pizza toppings like pesto, sundried tomatoes sauce and cashew “cheese.” Think of this crust as the podium, and let the toppings do the talking, I say! This recipe is still in need of some fine tuning, but it was inspired by some raw pizza I had on a recent trip.
½ cup ground flax
1 ½ cup raw buckwheat
1 ½ cup water
1 medium beet
1 cup Italian parsley
½ green pepper
½ roma tomato
1 tbsp fresh thyme (or 1 tsp dried)
Juice of ½ lemon
½ tsp salt
½ tsp agave
- Soak the flax and buckwheat in the water, let sit for 15 min or so
- In a food processor, blend the parsley, add the beets and blend. Add the rest of the ingredients and puree together.
- Add the flax/buckwheat mixture and puree until smooth.
- Spread onto a teflex dehydrator sheet or a parchment lined baking sheet. If dehydrating, put on 105 F for 12 hours. If baking, bake at 350 F for 20 min. Half way through baking/dehydrating, score the crust into desired slices so that it comes apart easily when done. I’d like to get these a bit softer, so more experimentation is needed. Suggestions are welcome!
- Slather with pesto, or and a combination of sauces. Include fresh or roasted veggies, and herbs and go to town! Stay tuned for the “toppings” segment!