Do you ever wonder if it will end? I consider myself as “recovered” from my eating disorder, and yet it still plays itself out in my life every now and again. There was the other night when I came home and decided that eating three helpings of hummus on crackers was a good idea, even though I wasn’t hungry. Or when I didn’t eat for a prolonged period only to gorge myself on raw treats … Or even going for long runs and finding myself slipping back into a calorie calculation mindset. So how do you know when you are recovered? Do we ever fully recover?
The answer to that for me is yes, we do. Our awareness is what recovery brings for us. Our relationship with our self and our ability to exhibit unconditional love to ourselves through EVERYTHING are the benchmarks of our recovery. If we over-identify with our behaviours, we can get stuck there. If we recognize them with non-judgement and use them as an opportunity to gather information about what’s happening for us beneath the surface, we are practicing recovery.
So will you ever be perfect? Will this “food thing” ever go away? Maybe not ever completely. But your relationship to it will change. It will no longer be able to topple you or convince you that you are not okay. It may be painful, but it will not define you. Take the information your behaviour is providing you with (i.e., you are sad, mad, overwhelmed, overtired, etc.) and use it to move on. Be the soft place to land for yourself (i.e., the loving parent, the best friend, the curious and compassionate observer) more times than not, and you are in your recovery.
Potatoes have been a hot theme this summer. Here’s a very simple recipe compliments of my handsome grill master.
Po-Tasties: BBQ Potatoes with Dill and Goat Cheese
4 medium-sized yukon gold potatoes, sliced
1/2 of a medium-sized white onion, thinly sliced
A few dabs of Earth Balance
2 tbsp crumbled goat cheese (optional)
Wrap potatoes in foil with all of the ingredients except the goat cheese and BBQ on medium heat for 15 minutes. Remove once cooked. Sprinkle with goat cheese and allow for meltage before eating!