The full title of this post is “How to be where you are when you wish you were anywhere but.” I have said it many, many times: What you resist persists. And never is this more true than when you are at a place psychically or emotionally that is painful and uncomfortable. So what’s the trick to being where we are without simultaneously wishing things were different or denying what is?
Well first of all, I am a big fan of praying for relief or help, which is sort of like action but non-action at the same time. It’s saying “I know I am where I need to be, but I don’t have to like it and a little help might be nice!” I’m also a big fan of doing small things to look after myself that make me feel good—which is action that isn’t about suppression or denial, but more about easing into things as they are. After all, if we have to be here, we may as well be comfortable, right?Read More »
On almost a daily basis I announce that I am giving up sugar for good. And then my husband lovingly reminds me of the all-or-nothing tone of that declaration and to practice what I preach. If there are certain foods that are so-called problem foods for you (i.e., binge territory alert or foods that don’t agree with you) then maybe it’s time to “change up” rather than “give up” that food. Before you can start to explore a different relationship with this food, you’ll want to ask some questions about the pattern at play.
Is it an ingredient or a particular food? Is it all types of this ingredient or just certain types? For example, if it happens to be sugar, is it all forms of sugar or mostly white refined sugar? Is it a particular type of sugary product? When does the so-called problematic eating behaviour happen? Is it a certain time of day that this food sets you off? Is it a certain emotion or circumstance? When is it you want to turn to this food?Read More »
How are those New Year’s resolutions going? Now is about the time where we start to slip back into old patterns and habits, and try to override the little voice of shame that says we’ve failed because of it. We might cling to our all-or-nothing thinking (“No sugar!”) or try to devise a new set of “rules” for ourselves to live by (“No eating past 8 pm!”), or maybe even we have a date that we will resume our desired behaviour (“starting tomorrow I will…”). Any of these sound familiar?
The thing about changing behaviour is that real, lasting change occurs with how we connect to ourselves. When we place change in our circumstances or our outward behaviours, we immediately stop being responsive to what’s happening on the inside for us. Staying responsive to our internal needs, moods, and intuition abolishes all-or-nothing and rule-based thinking and replaces it with self care and intentionality based on inner feedback. For example, do I want to eat that caramel covered popcorn at 9 pm after I’ve had a nice dinner and feel full? Rather than “shoulding” myself with various rules and declaring refined sugar the devil, I might check in with myself. How am I feeling? How do I want to feel? What part of me is wanting this popcorn? Is there something else that would meet that need for that part of me?Read More »